So many questions.

Some people just never seem to be happy with what they have.......I am one of those people sometimes. For Christmas, I gave Matt a small point and shoot camera that he had been wanting for quite some time. I gave it a go once he opened it and it turned out to be a sweet camera. I had to have one, because God knows 3 other cameras wasn't enough for me. Instead of buying the same one, I ordered a Canon Powershot SD450 instead. I ordered it on Christmas Day and it arrived today. It is so tiny. It's so small it fits on the palm of my hand.....and I have small hands. I didn't really NEED the camera but I wanted it. Why are human beings so greedy? Why can't we just settle for what we have instead of constantly being on the look out for material things that we think will make us happier but in the end don't? Are we capable of just settling? I admit I am a bit greedy and I don't think there's anything wrong with that, after all if we had no greed we'd never accomplish anything because there wouldn't be an incentive. Some level of ambition or greed is perfectly normal, but when is it too much?

On a different note, today I finally set up the scanner and scanned Matt's growing up pictures for the slide show a friend of ours is gonna make for the wedding. He was such a cute baby! But of course, I may be slightly biased. Looking at those pictures, and the ones of me made question the whole outlook society has on beauty. When we are babies it's ok, and even expected, for us to be chubby. A chubby baby (which I was not) is a cute baby, or so people seem to think. Once you grow up though, forget about it, if you are not a stick person then there is something wrong with you. As babies, we are force-fed all kinds of fattening stuff because.....well.....the baby has to look healthy!. Some of us are born skinny and then fattened up as we grow up. I was a thin baby, then I was a slightly chubby toddler, then I was a skinny child....skinny until I was 15...then I just blew up. I am not blaming my parents for it but I remember my mother sitting next to me with a flip flop in her hand, ready to spank me, until I cleaned out my plate......and now I get strange looks from people if I eat too much or go back for seconds. Doesn't that just seem unfair? I have been struggling with my weight for many years now, not because I wasn't happy but because I thought I didn't look the way I was supposed to look. I wasn't tall, I wasn't anorexic so I wasn't normal. When I finally lost 34 pounds I started to feel really good about myself, and once again, for all the wrong reasons. To make a long story short, even though I still want to lose some more weight, I am doing it for me, I am doing it because I want to be healthy, not because society thinks I should look like a starving 3rd world child. Will I ever get to my goal weight? Who knows.....but for now I am happy, I am at peace with myself. So, when do we go from being chubby and cute to being chubby and ugly???