Shattered Dreams
A little while ago, while searching for places to go to for New Year's Eve, I came to a very sad realization. I realized that I will never see my travel plans come true, I will never actually go on the round the world year long trip I had been planning for so many years. If I hadn't met Matt I'd be on that trip right now. I am happy that I met him but part of me sort of resents him for being the reason I am here and not "there". He still wants me to go ahead and do the trip at some point but it's just not the same. I guess for better or worse, my priorities have been changed.
I always disliked the sort of women that would martyrize themselves and put their dreams and aspirations on hold because of a husband or children. I never understood why they did it, why they would put themselves through such an unpleasant experience and live such frustrated lives. I always said I would never become one of them because I wouldn't lose my identity or my independence when I got married, but as you can see, things don't always work out as we want them to. Now I sit here, totally dependent on my husband with no money, no job, no friends, no dreams of my own, and quite frankly, it's freaking me out. I don't know how to handle this, I don't know how to make amends with myself. I don't want to live a frustrated life and most of all, I don't want to hurt my husband or grow to resent him beyond repair. I am just trying to refigure myself out.
I always disliked the sort of women that would martyrize themselves and put their dreams and aspirations on hold because of a husband or children. I never understood why they did it, why they would put themselves through such an unpleasant experience and live such frustrated lives. I always said I would never become one of them because I wouldn't lose my identity or my independence when I got married, but as you can see, things don't always work out as we want them to. Now I sit here, totally dependent on my husband with no money, no job, no friends, no dreams of my own, and quite frankly, it's freaking me out. I don't know how to handle this, I don't know how to make amends with myself. I don't want to live a frustrated life and most of all, I don't want to hurt my husband or grow to resent him beyond repair. I am just trying to refigure myself out.
posted by June at 11:50 PM
1 Comments:
I would like to comment about you disliking women who put their "life" on hold for their kids and husband. I am one of those women and it gives me great pleasure in knowing that my kids are mature, well rounded humans. Sure, I gave up alot but, it was well worth it and I would do it all over again if given the chance. Also, my husband has enough stress at work to have to worry about the day to day running of the house and the worries of who has to pick up the kids and get them from point A to point B. This is what I do and a am very good at it and I take great pride in that fact. BTW. I am also taking courses at the local college. There is always room for self improvement.
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